The day began innocently enough, with my blue heeler Cowboy hauling a chunk of firewood through the dog door for reasons only he would know, clattering as he came. A woodpecker, either hungry or angry, attacked the roof and contributed to my awakening. Nine free-roaming horses, seeking breakfast, clomped by my window as I sat down at my desk. But when the president of the United States called himself “a very stable genius” on Twitter, I started to get a little nervous.
Seeing a giant horse’s ass in your window first thing in the morning can be disconcerting. And, for me, it led to a daytime nightmare of being trapped at Camp David for a weekend presidential retreat.
First, I imagined a bunch of Cabinet secretaries and congressional leaders urgently waving to Ubers called to the Camp David gates. Then, stable genius that I am, I remembered they all have limos and toned down the image to frightened VIPs throwing off bathrobes with large presidential logos, penning fake excuses to avoid the scheduled meetings with the commander in chief and slipping out quietly to their hastily summoned cars.
The escapees were slowed since the president doesn’t trust anyone around him to have access to personal cell phones. He had his own phone, of course, since he is “like really smart” and “went to the best colleges, or college.” The sparsely attended first session at Camp David was delayed in part by the president remaining alone in his cabin in the morning, consuming McDonald’s and Fake News while tweeting about haters, Hillary and like his really huge IQ. The phoneless Cabinet-types, seeing reports of the tweets on satellite TV in their own cabins (which, unlike the president’s, had been spared the addition of gilded Corinthian columns), had to ask staffers to slip handwritten getaway notes to security teams and chauffeurs.
The Guardian reported this morning that, “The president will strive to steady the ship when he holds talks with the House speaker, Paul Ryan, and Senate majority leader, Mitch McConnell, at the rustic Camp David in Maryland’s Catoctin Mountain this weekend.”
I really don’t have much faith in the Cabinet or the GOP-led Congress to do the right thing.
But in Robert Mueller, I trust.