Just shoot me

sunrisejuly3_2I woke up feeling like a half-sawn log and realized that what had been grating on my brain was the stupid American action comedy I stayed up too late watching last night.

The movie was “2 Guns,” but the title really doesn’t matter. Any movie of its ilk leaves me feeling the same way.

For the record, it was an especially colorful sunrise that got me out of bed this morning. But last night’s movie lingered like a hangover.

It’s something about the plethora of automatic weapons, fiery explosions, easy money and interminable car chases. And maybe the tough guy thing, too. Unbelievable bullet-dodging skills underlie it all.

The guys in “2 Guns,” as always, are wronged good guys. They are expert in every form of combat. They are so street-smart they can unravel conspiracies faster than you can say grassy knoll, but only after they have been enlisted to carry these conspiracies out. The plots are easily adaptable to solo macho icons like Bruce Willis or Arnold Schwarzenegger, but that would make them dramas. Buddies make for comedy.

While surviving gun battles roughly every three-and-a-half minutes, the buddies in “2 Guns” shoot each other for laughs. And it’s the girl who gets killed so the guys can continue kidding around, but not before she shows up in lingerie.

This is what I get for getting my satellite TV receiver replaced after one heck of a lightning strike earlier in the week.

I used to think it was the ubiquitous good-guy assassin movies that were the blight of Hollywood. But now I’m wondering if it’s anything involving Mark Wahlberg. And, sure enough, “2 Guns” includes a sniper rifle scene.

I’ve learned that former military snipers are far more prevalent in society than I would have thought. And what is it with the Navy and special ops these days?

Wahlberg plays a naval intelligence specialist in “2 Guns.” Watching this came on the heels of seeing “NCIS” all over my TV directory. I finally Googled it to learn the mysterious acronym — almost too long to get on the peak of a baseball cap — stands for “Naval Criminal Investigative Service.”

All I have to do is read the morning paper in Albuquerque to get my daily dose of gun violence.

I’m not sure screenwriters could top the motel shoot-out the other day, involving two former CNN staffers — a former special forces husband defending his former anchorwoman wife — and a Tennessee parole violator.

But I’m sure some genius will try to embellish the story for the big screen. Maybe with a sniper.

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